On 2015-12-16 at 10:51 a.m., lynx86 said:
"Im not in love with you...i never was.....ive known for months....."
I know i told you i wasnt in love with you either. I lied. Ive been trying to be ok,trying to support you in what you want,what makes you happy. But im not happy.
To watch you move forward, it hurts to feel i meant so little. To know that i can be replaced so easily,when i thought i was giving you something only i could....
Ive wondered occasionaly if i simply convinced you you didnt love me....i dunno.
The thought that continually runs through my mind,is to wonder how someone could not love a person who has done everything they could to make them happy,who tried to always think of them before themselves...who held them when they needed it,and gave them everything they could....that is the heart of a person...how could that mean so little...?
...i am angry. I am angry at myself most of all. I saw the signs,and kept going. I let myself get hurt,again,by trusting someone i loved with my heart...
I have always loved you. It was never a competition....you had won. You had a man that would do anything for you.that would move heaven and earth just to make you smile.you had a man women were jealous of you for. Not for his looks,but for what he would do for you.
I hope you never understand fully what you have walked away from...but it hurts to see you move on so casually.to replace something i thought was so special with the seeming difficulty of turning on a light.
Im trying. Im trying to be ok with this. The seeming ease of moving on that youre seeing is me hurting....its me forcing myself to move forward,when all i want to do is lay down,curl into a ball,and quit. I feel as if im not valuable,not worth your affection.... not worth your love.
For that reason im probably going to end up hurting some women...rebounding,lashing out....
Im not ok. Dont mistake me moving forward as me not caring. Im broken,i dont know what else to do. To me,i have two options,crumble and quit,or stand up and try,even though im going to end up fucking up more. Im choosing to try....i dont have any option as far as making us work.not any more.....
You are loved,never doubt that.