On 2004-03-15 at 4:31 a.m., lynx86 said:

ah the dissapointment,irritation,and sadness have all decided to hit the one man who has the power to handle it all....me.all without the blink of an eyelash,slight movement of my jaw to sow disaproval,or even the slightest grumble.NOT.....well the story starts yesterday.well,i maneaged to call a few ppl up,namely,my good old friend Wes, and ex fiancee,Jenn.

with Jenn,it was good news,shes got a new guy in her life,and likes him quite a bit,great for her! i tuly wish her the best with her romantic endevours(spelled right? oh well,its was a compliment/bit of praise...misspelling can be dealt with.i even maneaged to catch up a bit with her mom be4 she got cold(the cell phone dont work inside the jail cell they call their apartment......arent those cemant buildings just so lovely??)so at least two bits of good news have come to my attention since my last entry.

second,i called Wes. turns out,he doesnt speak to his ex fiancee anymore,which is disapointing as she was one of the few women ive met that were decent ppl,as well as interested in him...undoubtedly hes gotten irritated with her and told her to go to hell....hes also begun smoking marijiuana again. i didnt know him reakky when he was on it be4,but now hes back on it.hes also getting drunk each night,spending his money on mooches,and renting a trailer thats not worth the hundred he spends a month on it. his parents found out he was on weed,as he tested positive,and they gave him a month to leave,he at least still stays on good terms with his parents,and his little brother,but hes quickly losing everything he has. it wont take long for his job to follow,and as hes got a civilian military job,thats pretty bad.at age 18,hes making around 12 an hour i believe,and throwing that away for drugs......URGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the next bit of news is that my uncle is rapicly deteriorating. since i was eighteen,ive found out that his brain has literally deteriorated,to the point thatthe logic centers in his mind are all literally gone. they have literally disapeared,from the backside of his brain. but since talking to him yesterday,either deth or full brain-death is not far away for this man. as he was my father figure,albeit one i didnt like,and never got along with,i still love the man for everything hes done,and given up for meso that i could quite simply live a life with no regret.as for why i found out when i was eighteen,this is another story,which i may or may not put in this diary,that remains to be seen.depends upon wheather or not some day i can get my thoughts back together enough to tell it.but soon,i believe i will have to make a trip back to Hawaii.i dont have any idea of how long hes going to last,but i do know that this is something my aunt cannot handle by herself. as she is still trying to help her ex husband take care of his fathers estate,she has quite a bit on her hands right now,and is not in the state,to be able to care for him. but then again,hes a bit stubborn,so i wouldnt be surprised if at some point hes fighting for simple mobility,as well as fighting to get the both of us out of his way,so he can stand up.its a scene im very familiar with,just not to the extent that it will be in this time.*sigh* id like tobe able to be there for him,hile hes still alive...but.unfortunately,this will probabaly not be possible,as that would basically require me to move back to the islands.as it is,i will probabaly simply buy a one way ticket to the island,when he goes,or is begining to go.who knows how long i will be there.

i for the most part cannot even talk to the man,my pity for him gets in the way. and as he is one of the strongest men i know,and he sincerly believes that pride is one of the most important thoings a man can have,i cannot risk him relizing this.

but as it is,my aunt will need someone to continue to run things around the house,care for the pets and that sort of thing,while she takes care of my uncle,and the important things that my arise.

sometimes i have to wonder why the lord cursed us all with feelings for another...

*sigh* i need to go think and read my bible......i shall leave another entry tomorrow...goodnight all,and i pray your lives are lived wih less worry then mine at this time..

goodnight....Lynx

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